2016 NBA Draft

All the picks, moves, and sparkly shoes.


It’s one of the most exciting days of the year in the NBA, and there’s not even any games to be played. Instead, tonight’s the NBA Draft, where teams will look to add their next big star, key role players, or intriguing prospects who may or may not pan out. On top of drafting players, there’s bound to be one or two trades this evening, and in fact, there’s already been one earlier today…

Pacers get

Thaddeus Young (Power Forward) – 15.1 points per game, 9.0 rebounds, 1.8 assists

Nets get

The 20th pick in tonight’s draft.

This trade gets the Nets into tonight’s first round. Their own first round pick, which would have been third, belongs to the Boston Celtics thanks to the Kevin Garnett/Paul Pierce trade. Now, they have a chance to add at least one potentially helpful young player as they look to rebuild.

As for the Pacers, it’s their second straight day of trading, after acquiring Jeff Teague yesterday. With today’s move, they now have a potential starting lineup of Myles Turner, Thaddeus Young, Paul George, Monta Ellis and Jeff Teague. Not too shabby! That should be good enough to improve upon their 45-37 record this season and keep them in the Playoffs. On top of that, it’s not like they were going to be able to get anybody nearly as good as Young with the 20th pick, so instead, they took advantage of a Nets team looking to jettison any veterans they might still have as they look to completely revamp themselves.


Now, before we get to tonight’s draft, a full disclosure: we here at The Bonus do not pay attention to college basketball. What we know about the prospects is what we’ve heard over the past few weeks, and we’ll be at the mercy of ESPN’s analysts this evening. That being said, this is an NBA blog, and this is one of the most important days on the NBA calendar, so it’s our goddamned duty to be here. Oh, and our favorite team, the Celtics, have the third overall pick, and eight picks scattered throughout the draft, so let’s stop messing around and get down to business! Happy drafting, everyone!

6:56 pm – TRADE ALERT!

Not a bad pickup for Charlotte, who pick up a good shooter to bring off their bench. Now apparently, this trade can’t go through until July 1st, so the Hornets will be making the 22nd pick for the Kings tonight.

7:00 – We’re live from the Barclays Center in Brooklyn for the NBA Draft! The lowly Philadelphia 76ers are picking first and expected to take LSU’s Ben Simmons, a 6’10” point guard who could be the next dynamic star of the NBA.

7:02 – Presiding over the draft on ESPN tonight is Rece Davis, Jalen Rose (fuck), Mike Wilbon (to counteract Jalen Rose) and Jay Bilas.

7:05 – The actual drafting doesn’t get started until 7:30, so we’re concentrating on eating our dinner. Who’s we? As usual, I’m joined by Bonus Social Media manager Ian Laczynski, who knows slightly more than I do about the draft prospects because he’s been listening to The Vertical’s podcasts. Shout out to The Vertical.

7:18 – Jalen Rose and Jay Williams hit us with one more mock draft. They have Ben Simmons going number one to the Sixers. It doesn’t take long for Jalen Rose to start yelling, when he demands Jay Williams goes with who he would pick at second, not who he thinks the Lakers will pick. “Who would YOU pick!? YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU!” yells Jalen while wildly pointing at Williams. I’m not making this up.

7:31 – A black and white montage of basketball players and Brooklyn appears on the screen, which must mean it’s just about time for the draft to begin!

7:32 – Commissioner Adam Silver walks up to the podium for the first time tonight! He gets a small amount of boos, instead we hear a lot of “LET’S GO SIXERS!” chants as they’re about to make the first pick. The boos increase when Silver congratulates the Cleveland Cavlaliers on their championship, and the Warriors on their historic season.

7:34 – The Philadelphia 76ers are on the clock! The teams will have five minutes to make their pick. Last time the Sixers picked first, they selected a little guy named Allen Iverson back in 1996. Tonight’s a big night for them, as they’re hoping three miserable years of purposely losing finally pays off.

7:37 – Silver returns to announce the first pick, and it’s…..Ben Simmons! Sixers fans in the crowd erupt, including a trio wearing dope throwback Julius Erving, Charles Barkley and Allen Iverson 80s Sixers jerseys. They look so happy, I’m willing to overlook the fact that Iverson did not play for them in that era. No surprise with this pick. Jalen Rose compares him to Grant Hill, hopefully without the litany of injuries.

7:40 – I’d tell you what Ben Simmons said during his interview, but my girlfriend was using the blender to make some sort of smoothie.

7:43 – With the second pick, the Los Angeles Lakers select….Brandon Ingram, the small forward from Duke! Another expected pick. The Lakers are coming off their worst season ever, so the pressure is on them to nail this draft pick and sign some big free agents over the summer. They’ve taken their first step tonight. Don’t screw this up, Brandon! Actually, feel free to screw it up. Jalen Rose compares him to Indiana’s Paul George. Sounds like he could be the Lakers next big star.

7:45 – Ingram says that “leadership” is the immediate impact he’ll be able to make on the Lakers. Forget that, though, because our Celtics are on the board! Will they trade the pick, or us it on Providence College’s Kris Dunn. There’s really no telling what they’re going to do, and it’s driving everyone crazy.

7:49 – The clock has expired for the Celtics, and there’s no sign of Adam Silver. What could it mean!?

7:51 – With the third pick, the Boston Celtics select….Jaylen Brown, a small forward from California! It comes as a bit of a surprise, as many thought Kris Dunn would indeed be their selection. The question now is, are they picking him for themselves, or are they picking him for someone else as part of a trade they’re working out? Anyway, he’s compared to Miami’s Justisce Winslow, but with better offensive skills. The Celtics really wanted Winslow last season, but maybe missing out on him and having to wait an extra year has paid off. If they keep him, of course.

7:53 – Brown says he had no idea he’d go this high in the draft, and is glad he’s ended up here with the Celtics (for now).

7:55 – Jay Bilas tells us that Jaylen Brown was the captain of the chess team in high school.

7:57 – The clock has also run out on the Phoenix Suns, who are picking fourth. What could it mean!?

7:59 – With the fourth pick, the Phoenix Suns select….Dragan Bender, a power forward out of Croatia! Back when I was a young lad, the Celtics had a Croatian power forward, Dino Radja, who remains one of my favorite players ever. In fact, I’m wearing my Dino Radja t-shirt right now, so everything’s come full circle, or something like that. Anyway, Bender’s 7’1″ and can shoot from long range, perfect for today’s NBA. After the first two picks went as expected, these last two have thrown people through a loop. He’s described as a bigger Draymond Green, without the mean streak.

8:02 – The 18 year old Bender says he’s relieved to end up here in the NBA, and it’s a dream come true.

8:03 – Kris Dunn looks pissed off as he’s fallen from the third pick, but I bet he ends up being taken fifth by the Minnesota Timberwolves.

8:06 – With the fifth pick, the Minnesota Timberwolves select Kris Dunn, the point guard from Providence College! Seems like a great pick for them, but what does this mean for Ricky Rubio, their incumbent point guard?

…oh. Anyway, Dunn is an excellent addition to an already young and talented Timberwolves team that features the last two Rookie of the Year winners, Andrew Wiggins and Karl-Anthony Townes.

8:09 – Kris Dunn, who had a rough childhood, says that this is one of the best feelings ever. On the inside of his jacket, he has “WHALERS” stitched into it, in honor of his high school team down in New London, Connecticut, and the number three. He’s also wearing sparkly Gucchi shoes, which are sold at JC Penny. “Shout out to JC Penny,” he says. That’ll make The Starters happy!

He’s also described as a bigger version of Toronto’s Kyle Lowry.

8:13 – With the sixth pick, the New Orleans Pelicans select…..Buddy Hield, the shooting guard from Oklahoma, and reigning Wooden Award winner as the most outstanding college player in the nation! He’s compared to Ben Gordon. For the love of God, I hope he’s like Chicago Bulls Ben Gordon. Any other vintage of Ben Gordon is no good.

8:16 – Hield tells us that him and his five brothers and sisters had to share the same bed growing up in the Bahamas, now he’s a lottery pick going to the New Orleans Pelicans, where he’ll instead be sharing the court with young superstar, Anthony Davis.

8:20 – The Denver Nuggets are on the clock, thanks to the Carmelo Anthony trade back in 2011. As a result, the Knicks do not have a first round pick tonight, but at least they now have Derrick Rose!

8:21 – With the seventh pick, the Denver Nuggets select….Jamal Murray, a guard out of Kentucky! Meanwhile…

8:24 – “Denver sounds good!” – Jamal Murray. That would have been a favorite for Quote of the Night, but nothing’s topping “Shout out to JC Penny.” Murray gets a comparison to Brandon Roy. As with Grant Hill, hopefully without the injuries. This could end up being a fantastic pick for the Nuggets. As for our next pick…

That means the Kings, who are still on the clock for the eighth pick are basically selecting a player for the Suns.

8:26 – With the eighth pick, the Sacramento Kings select….Marquese Chriss, a power forward out of Washington! Once again, it sounds like he’s going to be going to Phoenix, where he’ll join Dragan Bender. Also…

8:29 – “I mean, I’m fine with it,” says Chriss about his impending trade to Phoenix. Despite knowing he’s heading to the Suns, he still has to wear his Sacramento Kings hat for the time being. He receives a favorable comparison to Shawn Marion on the NBA on ESPN’s Twitter.

8:32 – The Raptors are on the clock, thanks once again to a trade the Knicks made! They for some reason gave up a first round pick for Andrea Bargnani. The Knicks are the best. That’s two lottery picks that they could have had tonight. I think they’d take Carmelo Anthony, but they have to be kicking themselves for that Bargnani trade.

8:33 – With the ninth pick, the Toronto Raptors select…..Jakob Poeltl, an Austrian power forward who went to Utah for college. A Raptors fan is seen in the crowd giving this pick a big thumbs down!

8:35 – Poeltl says that his experience at Utah will give him a leg up on his fellow Europeans who often don’t get a chance to play in the United States before making their way to the NBA. Another advantage he has is that he’ll be joining what is already a Playoff team. In fact, it’s already easy to forget, but the Raptors were within two games of making the Finals this year.

8:40 – With the tenth pick, the Milwaukee Bucks select….Thon Maker, a power forward from Australia, via South Sudan. He’s been everywhere, escaping from Sudan to Australia during the Sudanese Civil War, then it was onto the United States, and up to Canada. Every year, there’s a player that people are not quite sure how old they are, and this year’s is Maker. There was also some question as to just when he finished high school. He’s a project for sure, but the Bucks are hoping it’ll pay off. He’s one of those high risk, high reward guys.

8:43 – Maker elected to sit in the stands instead of in the green room because it was “easier that way” and he wanted to sit where he was comfortable. He’s straight out of high school, a rarity these days with the NBA’s age limit. The 7’1″ Maker joins Giannis Antetokounmpo as another tall, athletic wild card of a player in Milwaukee.

8:47 – With the eleventh pick, the Orlando Magic select….Domantas Sabonis, the power forward from Gonzaga! He’s also the son of the legendary Arvydas Sabonis! It’s great to have a Sabonis back in the NBA.


More on that in a moment. Sabonis says he’s proud of his father, and he’s the best there ever was, and that he’ll look to make his own way in the NBA. That’s followed by an interview with the proud father himself, who describes his son as very professional and wishes his son the best of luck.

Welcome to the NBA, Domantas. He’s gonna be off to the Thunder, with Victor Oladipo and Ersan Ilyasova, while Serge Ibaka’s off to Orlando! That’s a big one. Meanwhile, Sabonis is getting compared to Atlanta’s Paul Millsap. That’s a pretty kick-ass haul for the Thunder. Oladipo gives them a potential starting shooting guard that can actually provide some offense. Wow. It will also team up the young Sabonis with Steven Adams. I think the Thunder just got even better.

8:55 – With the twelfth pick, the Utah Jazz select….Taurean Prince, a small forward from Baylor. He’ll be off to Atlanta thanks to the Jeff Teague/George Hill trade. This pick makes a surprised Jalen Rose say, “w0w”. He seems to have forgotten that the pick is going to Atlanta as he starts talking about how Prince fits in with the Jazz. That’s why ESPN pays Rose the big bucks.

8:59 – ESPN’s Andy Katz tells Domantas Sabonis about the trade sending him to OKC. He seems a lot more excited about playing for the Thunder, and I can’t say I blame him. What an opportunity for Sabonis the Younger.

9:02 – With the thirteenth pick, the Phoenix Suns select…..Georgios Papagiannis, a center out of Greece! Remember, the Suns are picking for the Kings here, as they’ve swapped draft picks, so the big Greek will be off to Sacramento. Poor fucker.

9:08 – With the fourteenth and final pick of the lottery, the Chicago Bulls select….Denzel Valentine, the small forward from Michigan State! Out of the Playoffs for the first time this decade, the Bulls have started a bit of a rebuild, trading Derrick Rose to the Knicks. Valentine now joins them as a key part of their future. He was the AP National Player of the Year, but injury concerns seem to have scared off other teams, with him being described as having, “Brandon Roy’s knees”. Oh no! Brandon Roy with the injuries! Hopefully he can stay healthy and team with Jimmy Butler (if the Bulls keep him, his name has been floating in trade rumors all night) and lead the Bulls back to the Playoffs.

9:11 – Valentine says he’s so glad to be going to the Bulls, and reminds us that he only missed four games in college, and he’s healthy now. Could be quite a great pick by Chicago if all goes well. “The Bulls might have lost their Rose, but they got a Valentine,” says Rece Davis, and with that, the lottery is over, which means that does it for the non-Playoff teams (not including teams like the Celtics, Raptors and Hawks who acquired lottery picks from lowly, non-Playoff teams). Of course, some of those sad teams have acquired further first round picks, so we’ll be seeing them again.

9:16 – With the fifteenth pick, the Denver Nuggets select…..Juan Hernangomez, a power forward out of Spain! Meanwhile, DeMarcus Cousins seems thrilled by the Kings moves tonight…

…welcome to Sacramento, Georgios Papagiannis!

9:19 – Our Celtics are back on the clock! They got this pick from the Mavericks thanks to the Rajon Rondo trade.

9:25 – Once again, the Celtics are taking their damn sweet time making their pick, letting the clock expire once again.

9:26 – With the sixteenth pick, the Boston Celtics select…….Guerschon Yabusele, a power forward out of France! I can’t wait for Tommy Heinsohn to compare him to Charles Barkley. Meanwhile, the fact he’s from France is giving me Jerome Moiso flashbacks.

9:32 – With the seventeenth pick, the Memphis Grizzlies select……Wade Baldwin IV, a point guard from Vanderbilt! This could give them their new starting point guard if they lose Mike Conley in free agency.

9:34 – Baldwin seems like a nice guy in his interview. Now, back to that Celtics pick…

…that means the plan is for him to play overseas while the Celtics retain his draft rights, and maybe someday bring him over to Boston. This means that we won’t be able to hear Tommy Heinsohn try and pronounce his name, or make ludicrous comparisons between him and NBA legends. Damn it.

9:36 – With the eighteenth pick, the Detroit Pistons select….Henry Ellenson, a power forward out of Marquette! Before the pick, Detroit native Jalen Rose yells, “DEEEEEEETROIT BASKETBALLLLLLLLLLL!”

9:39 – Ellenson hails from a family of basketball players, and kind of reminds me of one of my girlfriend’s brothers.

9:40 – Can you tell it’s getting harder and harder to write about these guys as the draft drags on? Not all of them are getting interviews, and the ones that do are significantly shorter than the ones the bigger prospects got. Plus, they’ve stopped doing player comparisons on the NBA on ESPN’s Twitter account, although Jalen Rose is still doing them, but the less said about his contributions, the better. Also, and this is probably the biggest issue I’m having, who the hell are these guys!?

9:43 – Karl-Anthony Townes, this year’s Rookie of the Year is being interviewed! He says his new Timberwolves teammate, Kris Dunn, is exactly the kind of guy their new coach, Tom Thibodeau loves. Also, turns out Townes is related to Wade Baldwin IV by marriage! They’re cousins, in case you were wondering.

9:44 – With the nineteenth pick, the Denver Nuggets select….Malik Beasley, a shooting guard from Florida State! Denver’s been all over this draft, and this is their third pick so far. His parents and grandfather are all actors, and he’s appeared in some commercials himself, which should help him when it comes to drawing fouls in the NBA.

9:48 – The Pacers are on the clock now, but remember, the pick will be off to the Nets thanks to today’s earlier trade that sent Thaddeus Young to the Pacers.

9:51 – With the twentieth pick, the Indiana Pacers select…..Caris LeVert, a shooting guard out of Michigan! The first thing said about him is, “Caris LeVert has spent most of the last two seasons injured.” He’s had two foot surgeries already, but has tons of talent if he can stay healthy, which he probably won’t because that’d be just the Nets luck.

9:57 – With the Hawks on the board, I believe I just saw a fan waving around a Shareef Abdul-Rahim Hawks jersey, by far the best jersey sighting of the night.

9:58 – With the twenty first pick, the Atlanta Hawks select…..DeAndre Bembry, a small forward out of Saint’ Joseph’s! He’s not at the draft, and his brother was killed only last week. Poor kid. Best wishes and luck to him as he joins the NBA, possibly as a replacement for Kent Bazemore if he bolts Atlanta in free agency.

10:03 – The Hornets are on the clock, but they’re picking for the Kings, thanks to the Marco Bellineli trade earlier in the night. I can’t wait to see how this pick ends up disappointing Kings star DeMarcus Cousins!

10:04 – With the twenty second pick, the Charlotte Hornets select…..Malachi Richardson, a shooting guard out of Syracuse! In case you’re curious, the reason these teams are picking for the teams they’ve traded with, is that all of the agreed upon trades are still technically pending league approval, so the original team will be making their draft picks tonight. Make sense? No? What’s that? You’re not even reading anymore? Got it.

10:07 – “God has a way, and he got me to this point,” says Richardson, who God is punishing by sending him to the Sacramento Kings.

10:09 – The Celtics are back on the clock! Sounds like a good time for a bathroom break, since they’ve shown no interest in making any of their picks within the allotted five minutes tonight.

10:12 – With the twenty third pick, the Boston Celtics select….Ante Zizic, a center out of Croatia! The cameras show flabbergasted and angry Celtics fans throughout the stands. HOW SOON THEY FORGET THE CROATIAN LEGEND DINO RADJA! I’m convinced that Zizic is the second coming of my man Dino. You heard it here first! All of the experts seem to agree with me that this is a steal for the Celtics, but stop short of mentioning Dino Radja. Lousy experts.

Dino Radja is a G.

10:16 – With the twenty fourth pick, the Philadelphia 76ers select…….Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot, a small forward out of France! Adam Silver accidentally said, “The Philadelphia Selec—-er, Seventy-Sixers select…” but somehow nailed the pronunciation on this guy’s name.

10:19 -Timothe Luwawu-Cabarrot describes himself as a complete player and says he’s excited to play with number one overall pick, Ben Simmons, then says, “We’ll have to see what is going on,” before awkwardly sauntering off.

10:21 – With the twenty fifth pick, the Los Angeles Clippers select…..Brice Johnson, a power forward out of North Carolina! He seems like he could be a good pick, you know, if Clippers coach Doc Rivers ever played rookies.

10:28 – With the twenty sixth pick, the Philadelphia 76ers select, Furkan Korkmaz, a shooting guard from Turkey! He’s not even the first Turkish guy named Furkan to play for the Sixers, although, to be fair, Korkmaz hasn’t actually played for the Sixers yet.

10:33 – With the first round approaching the end, we get a look at the three remaining sad sacks in the NBA Draft Green Room. Tonight, it’s three Freshman from college who look depressed as hell.

10:36 – With the twenty seventh pick, the Toronto Raptors select……Pascal Siakam, a power forward from New Mexico State! He’s nowhere to be found, but we do get a look at a forlorn Deyonta Davis in the Green Room as he’s now fallen another spot.

10:43 – The Suns are on the clock, but they’re picking for the Kings thanks to their trade tonight.

10:44 – With the twenty eighth pick, the Suns select…..Skal Labissiere, a power forward out of Kentucky! Not only that, but they rescue him from the Green Room! Sadly, he leaves the Green Room only to eventually be sent off to the Sacramento Kings. Him and his family are survivors of the big earthquake in Haiti that happened six years ago, so surviving the Kings should be a piece of cake.

10:48 – With the Spurs on the clock, Rece Davis implores viewers not to go away, joking, “because an All-Star is about to be selected!” I mean, with the way the Spurs draft and develop their talent, it’s quite possible.

10:50 – With the twenty ninth pick, the San Antonio Spurs select……Dejounte Murray, a point guard out of Washington, and another Green Room survivor. He’ll no doubt go on to win take the point guard torch from Tony Parker someday, win multiple titles and earn more than a few All Star selections. Also, this means Deyonta Davis is the poor bastard that has to be the last man standing in the Green Room, the NBA Draft equivalent of getting picked last in gym.

10:55 – Oh dear…

10:56 – With the thirtieth pick, the Golden State Warriors select…..Damian Jones, a center from Vanderbilt! That does it for the first round of the 2016 NBA Draft! Adam Silver signs off for the night, as the deputy commissioner handles the second round. This seems like a good time to shut down the blog for the night, but the Celtics are on the clock with the 31st pick. Maybe they’ll rescue Deyonta Davis?

10:59 – Looks like not only will the Celtics pick Davis, they’re going to ship him off…

11:02 – Here’s a handy recap of all of the first round picks…

11:04 – More on this impending trade between the Celtics and Grizzlies…

…I’m okay with getting a future first rounder out of this.

11:05 – Oh wait, this Jeff Goodman guy on ESPN reports that the 35th pick is also going from Boston to Memphis in this trade. Anyway, the Celtics pick a forlorn Deyonta Davis, a power forward from Michigan State. Just wait until he finds out that the team that drafted him doesn’t even want him!

11:07 – Davis explains why he left the Green Room by saying, “It was just something they told me to do.” He says the pick doesn’t mean anything, and it’s how you come out and play, and vows that he’ll do so with a chip on his shoulder, you know, because the pick doesn’t mean anything. He has to be the saddest person to ever find out that they were just drafted into the NBA.

11:09 – All right, nobody’s left in the Green Room, we’re approaching 4,500 words, and the Celtics aren’t picking any time soon, despite there being only two minutes between picks here in the second round. I’m shutting this down for the night. Please, nobody make any trades or anything for the rest of the night.

Thank you for reading this behemoth of a post. Hopefully you’re happy with the moves your team made. If not, you still have an entire summer to enjoy before basketball starts back up and ruins your life.

Author: tomeagher

Watching too much basketball.

One thought on “2016 NBA Draft”

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